CSE Farewell

People say when you are graduating you have mixed feelings. The first feeling that hits is I am delayed for the graduation, for first time in life I have failed and I am happy. May be the reason was many of others are also in the same situation. I cannot give that excuse I have not been upto my mark I have really let myself down. I have fallen out of the rat race and for first time I am regretting to be out of the rat race. I have worked hard to get out of the race but I forgot i have worked hard to keep my reputation.

I am really sad because no matter how much I say I dont give a damn, I give a lot of damn. But worst thing is I have let myself, my family down. They are supporting me thinking thesis is really tuff and I am really working hard. If I see myself in mirror I know what I am. I have been lucky I should really thank God for that I have got positions which I never deserved but still. I think its time there is some change in me otherwise I am giong down hard.

I should realize this is not school anymore where thoda sa karke and pleasing people will bring me on top. I really need to pick myself up and prove myself I have the fire which i talk in front of people to impress them. I need to get cocky and arrogant but I need to perform. I need to loosethat attitude of its ok I dont know what you are talking about, but also the attitude that i should learn and not do anything about it.

I am glad I went to the farewell otherwise I would not be acknowledging it to myself. There is a lot to write and a lot to think but from know onwards thinking should reflect in actions.

Lets keep it simple for the next week. Lets have simple goal and try working for 9 hours in 24 hours where day starts at 8 in morning to 12 in night. Lets keep this time fixed and go to bed at 12 30 and keep 30 mins to analyse what I have done and accomplised in the day to have a realization of failing so that next day I dont do the same.

PIzza Party

I am loving a bit of attention I am getting in media labs and how they have welcomed me into their circle. Today TVP sir is giving a pizza party and I am invited to it.

I should not get distracted y this things and focus on the most important thing and that is my thesis code. I ahvent still fixed the bug in my code. I can't understand How can I be so careless and easy going all I have to do is sit down and work hard for 8 hours every day and my work will be done.

Lets start todays work.

New Day with Full Of Hopes

Todays is the day when I have to finally meet Sir. Today will be a day which can decide my thesis or can be a disastrous day for me. There will be a lot of factors to consider, most important one is how is Sir's mood.

Lets just work on creating the course and PDF and then I can work on Content map and UI if both done in time then I can work on the functionality.

Well I didnt get time to complete this post yesterday itself. My code was buggy and I had no way out but draw a CMAP('sort of'). Explained it to Sir, It was his kindness that I didnt get murdered and he told me to complete it. After that I havent done any work.

Possessed With coding fever

Today is the day when I have to show myself, what I have been saying to many that when it comes to writing code I forget everything. Today I have to be like the man possessed.

To make sure, I do this, I will be blogging every 30 mins My progress.

For next half hour the goal is to set up the Content map creation page and its database and cmap table.

It seems I am going at a very slow speed it took me more than 30 mins to just find and change the names. This shows how big fool I have be. I should have kept the connection in another file and included in all the scripts file.

I have made the content map working but still alot of things are to be done.

I have the basic design but still not very good looking would ask for sumeet's help in it. Not going to waste time on design as there are major work to do that is to work on the save option. On save option the thing to take care of is whether the node exist in drupal db or not if it doesnt which means we have created a new map in such a case all we have to do it load the node corresponding to the cmap and update its body.

Speed is very slow but still the progress is not that bad i am going good but still a mountain to climb but need to keep going

Remember navjot today you are a man possessed so act5 like one.

You acted as a man possessed and understood onething things are not that easy as you think and you must analyse your timelines properly or you should be ready to work at that pace to make sure everything works in your favor. AS I am writitng this I know I have almost finished my Content map now If I can just sit down for one more hour all the functionality for the dependency map can be done. Do you have the juice in you to do it.

I was the man possessed but as always I have my flaws and the worst is complacency. I t so complacent in few minutes after a slight positive outcome, It seems I have lost my going for the kill habit or shd I say I never had it.

But It is ok I am back and the fever shd get high in few minutes.

And my complacency has gotten the best of me :(

Relationship Troubles

I must say dad was always rite. The relations are fucking pain in the ass. What the fuck happened today, I dont understand that. All I was trying to do was make her happy and I got a bloody cold shoulder and to top that I was not allowed to leave. Atleast i was able to slepp for 2 hours but it did not do me any good I could have coded for atleast 2 hours before I would have crashed into my bed or I would have slept nicely and would be writing this post pretty early.

But did one thing gr8 that was rather than taking her things and feeling bad gave her my troubles and after that she went quiet. One thing which I will never understand of her is, why on earth she wants to be a Saviour and only cry in front of me. She should simply say I cannot do it, if she cannot then she should stop complaining. I have tried once telling this to her, now I have to tuffen myself and make sure I dont give her this advise again.

I am commenting on her but my situation is also not better than her, people have started writing their thesis or about to complete and start writing but here I am blabbering in front of my blog or doing cultural events which at this level should not be done by me. BUt again I went into this knowing I would need to do all this things so I should not run from responsibility and take it in stride and plan my things accordingly such that I can make time for everything.

I still have to write about my work that I accomplished today and untill it is satisfactory I am not going to sleep.

Have To Figure Things out

I have bought a new Phone nice way to spend 30000.

Haven't got the hang of this new phone, it seems there is a lot that i dont know about phones. I am not ashamed of it, never been a gadget freak.

Leave all this things aside and should start focusing on my thesis which has been on the back burner for a very long time. I should put it on the front burner and every thing else on back. Have to code a lot of things but before that need to figure out what I am going to code and how am I doing it this time I dont need a messy code and difficult to figure out.

Lets get organised and write down what is to be done and how it is to be done. This time I should make sure that I do these things and not just write them. I also need to make sure I dont waste most of my time playing with the phone.

1. Create the linking topic to existing drupal node.
2. Create and editor for dependency map page and customize it.

Most of it I am behind on my reading I have to get that back and start working hard.

Ending of Happy Phase

My relation with sonia has been from dont know what it is to ILU. Now I am not sure what the F has happened in the last three weeks. MY thesis is totally out of control. I have no clue what I am doing with my thesis and my friends think I am supposedly writing my thesis.

OF all the things that have happened, my thesis is the one that has suffered alot. I should get back to my senses and start focusing on things which have brought me here than just wasting the time.

All the self analysis and that talk I gave to my dad about, I know what I am doing failed the very next day. That is called irony or Order of the Universe.

Lets keep things simple and plan small and try to achieve.

1. I need to improve the editor. Need to let the user give the title to the map. Provide with linking the node with a URL. Providing a UNDO option which i had told TVP Sir.
2. I need to organize the main page of the drupal.
3. Need to send the mail for nomination. Talk to Amey Karkare for the farewell.

I really pray that I can finish all the avove tasks by tomorrow evening.

Totally Screwed

What a day it is. From the get go you keep feeling you are going to get screwed. And It doesn't seems to be ending any sooner.

I have to linearize my work and every day I think , I will do it and every thing will fall into place but the thing which i should learn is, things do not fall in places on their own you have to make that happen. It is a very valuable lesson which I should have learn earlier, but god has been kind to me as a result I was always saved but this time it doesn't seem to be happening. I need to suck up a little and make things fall in place.

First thing first. I cannot do much for the trip except taking this letter to the concerned authority and give it to them.

Most Important thing that I have to do is my thesis. I need a plan for it. Lets set up a list that i have to do.

1. Figure out a way to solve the problem of displaying content and code it.
2. Find out how the data is stored in drupal for a node.
3. Integration of the third party code into drupal CMS.

These three things of My thesis is the work I have to do by tomorrow.

Today I have to make the Lab Questions and start correcting the copies. Rite now I have a football match, which I have to attend and see from there what else I have to do.

Pizza Day

Yesterday was a gr8 day TVP sir was happy with me. I am still gloating and the feeling of complacency has found its way as usual. After doing nothing yesterday I havent done anything significant today also but one can say watching a movie and a serial and reading a few lines of drupal7 can be counted as work. Deep down inside I know that is not how and CSE student whd have liked his day to have gone and to add to it I am having Pizza after convincing myself that i am going to workout and reduce my waist and during that time I am going to stay away from Pizza, so much for having a strong will.

I always dream of doing so much thing, accomplishing so many quests like doing PHD, being a cool programmer or having sound knowledge of maths and any other topic of computer science. I will plan for it in before going to bed and dream of executing them but when i wake up no such desire is there and I just want to get through the day with doing the bare minimum. Today while reading the a book read a gr8 fact and it made me realize it is 99% of the time deadline set by me is it not fulfilled and the explation provided by a 11 year old kid sounded so cool. It makes you feel so small in front of the knowledge and wisdom that kid has to make such a inference at an age of 11. When I was 11 years old all i could think of was outsmarting other kids in the class and had a rivalry wid snigdha and did my best to show her I was the greatest and there also I whd like to do the bare minimum to accomplish the tasks.

I hope this realization will help me get over it and I will show some maturity and work hard enough to get my work done in time or I will be realistic enough to plan and dream of things which I will do till completion and not just dream of them and forget.

Another Day

Yesterday was a disaster. Did not do anything except playing cricket and maintaining relations. I have two daunting tasks one giving the demo and writing a proposal for the mentoring program. Today I will not get into writing about my feelings and any other crap, lets just stick to business and focus on accomplishing the goals.

Goals for the day.

1. Writing the algorithm for generating the xml document.
2. writing the proposal and asking the reviews from Sir.
3. Going to Gurudwara.

Lets begin with the proposal.

A long Day

I woke up late as usual but compared to other days there was a bit of improvement. I was not feeling very well and first one hour was very tuff on me, which i spent reading newspaper and like most of the people after spending 5-10 mins on front page I went straight to sports page. Around 11 got a call from Praveen telling I have to come for the cricket match. Being me i always hate to do anything but for the sake of not being totally out of the group i went. My back was giving me a lot of trouble and it was really hard for me to bowl, under those physical condition i was made to bowl the 2nd over and to my surprise my line and length was better compared to any other day. I bowled 3 overs with a economy of 5.5 runs a over which was very good compared to all my team members. When it came to batting I opted to open the batting thinking it will end my poor form in batting but i was out on 2nd ball that too duck. It seems i totally suck at batting and should work as a tail ender. But I did one thing in which i am good that is frustrating other people, this time it was highly regarded as the people who were on the reciveing end were the members of the opposite team. I wouldnt say it was because of me our team won but I can proudly say I played my part very well first with bowling then by talking. All in all had great time with frns and cheering made me feel better and happy.

This is all fun, my problem with thesis and work is still not over.First thing first I need to take a head bath as it is 2 weeks now. Then I can start working on my thesis.

Finally I have done what was at the verge of being postponed, yes it is taking a head bath. Havent done anything else though currently thinking on the algorithm of generating the xml from the tree given.

My first Day

I have been thinking of blogging for a very long time but every time I thought of really pursuing it my laziness will come over me and the idea will be dropped. Today after watching social network for the third time and every time I saw Mark writing about his date in his blog will give me feeling i shd also blog so finally i have overcome my laziness and i am here blogging.

The other big reason for blogging is that my life is totally out of control. I have no discipline my thesis is going no where and I have so much work that i think i have to do but at the end of the day nothing gets done.

I have this hope that writing about what i did in the day and plan for the other day will bring some form of discipline and accountability. I am also hoping against the hope that it will bring some form of structure in my day to day life.

So let the revival begin.

Goals:

1. Understanding the tree class.
2. Finding the solution of converting the tree to xml.
3. Preparing the draft to be given to HOD.
4. Making sure Devesh works on Departmental Trip.

These are the petty goals for tomorrow and I will give myself a head start by starting on one of them now.

The idea of working and simultaneously blogging is also gr8. I think i will try it today.

Lets start with the first goal, class contains some 600 lines of code it will not be easy but it shd not be that hard. Well first distraction mansi just gave a heads up that she might call it will take a bit of my time, lets see how much time is eaten by her :(.

I did not waste much time talking on phone figured out what was going on in the tree class, have a idea which i have to discuss tomorrow and see whether some thing can be built or not.

But i have to stop going to canteen wid frns i am wasting awful amount of time there which could have been utilized some where else.

I have delegated the work of organizing the trip to Devesh Lets hope he does a better job than me. 2 down 2 more to go.